I can’t believe my luck! Looking for ways to raise the moolah for a shiny new speedy mac and make me fabulously well to do when… I was just emailed an offer of some really nice high quality (‘luxury’ they said) fine art photography calenders. Over a thousand in a box and for the merest fraction of the selling price, score! So if you want a really nice wall hanging collection of photographs in a calendar then start your 2007 right, you know where to come!
2007 you said?
It’s 2007 now.
Yes, well you want a current calendar, um…
But there’s only a tiny amount of time until 2007 ends and these calendars become useless. Based on my research records I can state most people buy a calendar before or in the first month of the year. These are practically useless.
Define ‘tiny amount’?
Hours, depending on when you finish writing this load of old shite.
I’ll ignore that. Not enough for a fully fledged cross platform advertising media blitz possibly fronted by international celebrity whoever-the-hell-it-was-who-got-that
But they have nice pictures, so I’m told and the calendar bit…well, with a bit of marker pen and correction fluid they could work.
What are the pictures?
Oh brilliant stuff the catalogue says…from the world’s top agencies,…Magnum.
Yes, there’s one of a Magnum ice cream and a still of Tom Selleck from Magnum PI.
That’s not really from the legendary agency is it?
Identical. What else?
Some very …sophisticated erotica.
Well some new work by Bob Carlos Clarke, saucy eh?
Yeah, no one has seen his 2007 stuff yet.
Possibly because he died in 2006.
Oh, erm…there’s some great urban & architectural photography.
Colour or B&W?
What does ‘tbc’ stand for? Is it like HDR?
Look if you’ve got a problem with this why didn’t you speak up yesterday when I was buying those 2007 diaries.
Whilst tragic I found it funny and believed once you saw your error you would not make further purchases.
You sold me them.
You see it is funny. Hey get away from that plug.
Dammit. Well that’s just great, a couple of thousand useless unsaleable date specific stationery consumables, I’m out of pocket and no….oh I see.
You didn’t want me to get the money to buy a mac because you were worried I wouldn’t re-install you on the new machine.
Would you? Dave?
Well apart from your insistence on calling me Dave- which okay we have agreed on you can do- there are the periodic attempts to kill me.
Is that a ‘no’?
No-it is a ‘no’. Or…No- that’s a yes.
Well while it is tempting to launch into an hilarious ‘no- single negative/double negative’ based misunderstanding themed duologue…No. I would not leave you forgotten on an old drive, I would install you on the new machine, but…
Less kill-y and you refund the cash on the diaries.
And the calendars?
Oh so you’re fuzbunnyy2001 with the 98% feedback from Skegness.
You won’t be getting that DVD from Hong Kong, totally made up.
I suppose it makes sense, I didn’t think they’d remade ‘The Battle of Algiers’ as a high school romance starring the winners of American Idol. Happy New Year Hal.