The Church Of The Anus Of Christ has some new members over at ‘Love God’s Way’ (I’m not linking to it because, well y’know, they’re idiots. They love The Right Brother’s who sing – Bush was right, stop global whining & enemy within- they iz nice nazi boys) who have compiled a list of dangerously gay pop stars that might destroy the world or something. The long, unorganised and sloppily edited list is puzzling indeed and I include some picks and my comments below, apparently bigots don’t understand alphabetising or spread sheets.
The Spores (endorse suicide): Suicide is gay now? What will us depressed straights do?
Ravi Shankar: Endless solos, he’s still playing a song he started in 1969.
Wilco: What is Billy Bragg up to these days?
Bjork: Really not gay and I’m not just saying that ‘cos I live in hope, Icelandic chicks are hot!
Tech N9ne: You see there’s a 9 instead of an ‘i’ clever, it’s also a gun.
Ghostface Killah: Ghost Dog is Jim Jarmusch’s best movie (Broken Flowers a close second, then there’s a real big drop off).
The String Cheese Incident: I don’t know who they are and string cheese disturbs me.
Eagles of Death Metal: Janeane Garofalo really fancied their lead singer, I wonder if they got it on *jealous*.
Interpol: They have a song called PDA, it’s great, maybe they’ll make an album called iPhone now.
Tegan and Sara : Tegan was my favourite Dr Who assistant.
Le Tigre: Apparently there is a stereotype of lesbians being bad dancers, what?
The Doors: Val Kilmer’s gay?
Queen: I used to live round the corner to Freddie’s pad, he never tried to fuck me, true story.
The Strokes: Is this an ‘overrated’ list?
Morrissey(?questionable?): Questionable? In a good way, fanboy clones are sad though.
The Pet Shop Boys: Go West young man.
Metallica: Well they entered the Sandman,
Judas Priest: Halford!
The Village People: in the Navy…
The Rolling Stones: Sympathy for the Anal? Performance is such a great film, Roeg, Cammell and BAD’s E =MC2 samples it so well too and Jean luc Goddard made a film with them, but why is Mick such a wanker now?
David Bowie: Is probably God, so get worshipping now you religious wackos.
Frankie Goes to Hollywood: Welcome to the Pleasuredome, I love Trevor Horn production.
Jay-Z: On the down low?
Depeche Mode: Is it the French name?
Kansas: What is the matter with Kansas?
Rufus Wainwright: Well duh!
Ani DiFranco: You go girl!
Fischerspooner: Overated but still a funny appearance on TOTP.
John Mayer: Is this the guy who plays at Macworld?
Velvet Underground: Are you just trying to prove gender ambiguity and sexual experimentation are good for art? Because its working.
Madonna: Corporate US imperial artistic vacuum, will be her next 5
stolen adopted kids.
Barry Manilow: Copa Cabana is simply a great song. There I said it.
Indigo Girls: Are in this twice, is it ‘cos they’re a duo?
Melissa Etheridge: Did Lou Diamond Philips send you this one?
Eminmen: Is that spelt right? Hmm?
Nirvana: Keeping up on the latest crazes aren’t you?
Boy George: And Kirk Brandon sent you this one.
Motorhead: Don’t poke the Lemmy.
Jill Sobule: I’d give her my jetpack.
Wilson Phillips: And they split up when?
Lisa Loeb: Fake glasses I heard.
Ted Nugent (loincloth): This is the one all the Lib blogs picked up on, he loves his guns, so he’s sublimating something.
Dogstar: Did Keanu send you this?
Lil’ Kim: No talent midget.
kd lang: Oh, so the ‘d’ stands for dyke.
Frank Sinatra: Ole blue eyes liked the one brown eye?
Nickleback: In every sense of the word, huh?
Bob Mould: I liked my Sugar. ‘Standing on the Edge of the Hoover Dam’; Damn!
Clay Aiken: Cowell stooge, now Cowell..
Arcade Fire: I liked that single.
Bright Eyes: Take that Leno! (Was actually the title of the first single I owned, bunnies!).
Red Hot Chilli Peppers: Like the Stones they have had more sex than a flock of prostitutes (who are a much less well known band).
Elton John(really gay): He’s in it twice, is that because he’s bisexual?
UPDATE: Jesus General may have a hand in getting Nugent on the list, plus the wackos are using this to get publicity for their shitty music, so laugh but ignore.
UPDATE UPDATE: “Pastor Donnie Davies” has been exposed as Dallas-area actor Joey Oglesby .