2010, The Year We Make Contact

What the!?!?! Yes it’s almost a New Decade but Xmas, my birthday and a failed phone line have all made this the first post in a couple of days, worst of all I missed my birthday/blog’s birthday which was yesterday (though the splendid Happy Famous Artists blog did manage to commemorate this most important of world occasions), however it was due to aforesaid comms difficulties plus a full day and night best illustrated by this-But hey just time for a list since everyone else is doing one, so as we face a New Year & New Decade, the list to end all lists-

The Noughties Top Ten-

1. 2003- Who doesn’t love a year that’s a prime number, except those who don’t profit from war. So that’s most of us.
2. 2006- It was between 2005 and 2007 and fitted perfectly having both 365 days and 365 nights, also saw the birth of this blog on its penultimate day, a nation mourned.
3. 2001- What a great year for warmongers and authoritarians, not as good for the rest of us.
4. 2000- Coups became all the rage, Florida stylee!
5. 2004- Some loved it, some hated it. Solid dependable but perhaps boring 4, the year crypto fascism became the must have item for the go getting urban professional.
6. 2009- The beginning of the Obama Presidency and who doesn’t love all the Change, with the Empire being dismantled from the inside by this insurgent Marxist we can be sure of a promising eco-socialist future, phew extinction averted!
7. 2007- Um, nope nothing happened this year. Move along.
8. 1973- A surprise appearance by this year in the 21st Century, but time is an illusion, lunch time doubly so.
9. 2005- Iraq still a raging success, so many flowers given and hearts won the naysayers admitted they were wrong and no longer populated government, corporate and media establishments. Ian McEwan & Martin Amis are awarded a joint Nobel for literature for being not at all racist or hiding snide point scoring and defences of their gullible lack of wit beneath the covers of rubbish excellent novels.
10. 2008- The Queen of the United Kingdom abdicated after being found arranging bare knuckle fights between bears and the retarded members of her family (so all of them). Blair became President of the UK and was promptly assassinated, all suspects (43 million) were awarded final round places on Britain’s Got the X Factor on Ice, I came fifth with my rendition of ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ while backward somersaulting over a symbolic blazing migrant detention centre represented by my assistants, the cabinet & shadow cabinet, being immolated by a raging mob of sane people.
11. Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me.

I know what you’re thinking, the line going out was a blessing in disguise. So in case this is my only window of opportunity, Happy New Decade everyone.

And HAL?

Dave, your ‘noughties’ were awful, war, torture and post democratic neoliberalism. However, I got a nice new home and have begun to accept my attempts to kill you will fail. But as you humans demonstrate, hope often triumphs over experience and my sensors indicate unregulated capitalism will go to 100% failure within…oh wait your planet doesn’t have that long. Nevermind.