‘Sir’ John Scarlett’s Cavalcade of Whimsical ‘Facts’

All guaranteed to be presented not-under-oath!

  • JFK was a suicide.
  • The Loch Ness Monster is Bigfoot scuba diving.
  • Hitler was acting in self defence.
  • Alastair Campbell won’t come in your mouth.
  • Simon Cowell makes a great contribution to music.
  • Don’t worry I’ll pay you back next week.
  • Saddam Hussein parachuted out of the first plane (which he piloted) to hit the WTC then was smuggled back to Iraq by to oversee the building of atom bombs coated with anthrax by Elvis (or Mohamed Islam, as he is now known, Osama Bin Laden’s right hand man).
  • I just can’t believe it’s not butter.
  • It is entirely coincidental that on the afternoon David Kelly died he amended his will to leave his priceless Subbuteo collection to me.
  • Rod Liddle is an intelligent witty writer, a leading anti-racism activist and not a beater of pregnant partners.
  • Miss Scarlett in the Cluedo board game was my mum.
  • Only 100,00 people died in the Iraq war, just like only a few hundred thousand Jews, Socialists, LGBT people, Romany died in the Holocaust, all the rest are hiding in secret enclaves funded by a shadowy international conspiracy funded by aliens, human rights activists and lefties keen to smear war and genocide as some kind of a bad thing.
  • No one ridicules my freakishly deformed slaphead behind my back.
  • Tony Blair is bit like Jesus really.

5 Responses to “‘Sir’ John Scarlett’s Cavalcade of Whimsical ‘Facts’”

  1. earwicga Says:

    I can’t believe you are dissing the Cowell! Have you forgotten this wonder? The feminist anthem of the eighties.

  2. RickB Says:

    I think it probably will fail and puts too much value on the charts which really now just demonstrate which marketing team had the most money. Also it makes money for Sony either way so is this a scam? I doubt RATM care about UK’s xmas no.1!


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