Tony Blair will not seek another big international job after being rejected for the new post of “President of Europe”, his allies said yesterday. Close friends of the former prime minister said he was “entirely happy” with his current roles – lucrative public speaking engagements, working as the international Middle East peace envoy, bringing democracy to Africa, tackling climate change, and heading an inter-faith foundation and sports charity.
A video posted to an extremist website included this personal message from Anthony Blair-
“Yeah well I never wanted your stupid job anyway, EU, E-Poo more like. Hey look, you just made yourself owe me 13 grand, that’s how much my totally brilliant words are worth and I had to say 13 of them to tell you how rubbish you are and how much I like never even wanted your shitty job, did I mention I didn’t want it and it was shitty? Oh look someone important is on the phone, actually it’s a party line, it’s the Pope, Margaret Thatcher, Dick Cheney, Binyamin Netanyahu and Sarah Palin, Presidents Obama, Bush (like fucking both!) and Clinton, and they want me to come to a party that, oh dear, Europe isn’t invited to! L-O-S-E-R-S! Oh what’s that, they want me to be Emperor of Earth and impose Peace ‘n’ Democracy™ on all warring nations by nuking them, and all the World’s religious leaders have disavowed their religions and instead are going to worship me as a living God. Well ok but it’ll be 1 million an hour plus expenses and if you want me to save the planet I’ll want that in intergalactic dollars…no reason. That’s like the tenth phone call just this morning asking that, like I’d have time to be King or whatever it was of EU-Land! I’ve already forgotten, it’s soooo unimportant.
Please like me.”