Translating The Government On Torture

Dr Kim Howells, Labour chairman of the intelligence and security committee, told Today it would examine any claims of UK complicity in torture. “I can tell you that we found no evidence that there’s been collusion between the intelligence services, any government department and governments that torture their individuals. We can’t give a guarantee, and no government on earth can give a guarantee that somebody who’s picked up and held in another country hasn’t had their… human rights abused in some way.”

‘Dr’ Kim Howells- “I can tell you we succeeded in averting our eyes from all the evidence of torture, and just as a get out clause when we can no longer suppress the evidence- Oh gosh we can’t guarantee the World doesn’t torture, so when we have detainees deliberately moved to a nation we know tortures and like totally surprisingly they get tortured that is in no way our fault just because that was the express reason we and our US masters, I mean ‘allies’ situated the detainee there. It’s called deniability, put some layer between you and the dirty wet work and ministers will never see the inside of a court room PS. Yes I am a compete twat.”

Speaking on BBC Radio 4’s programme MI6: A Century in Shadows, Sir John Scarlett defended the actions of his organisation, the Secret Intelligence Service or MI6. “Our officers are as committed to the values and the human rights values of liberal democracy as anybody else,”

“They also have the responsibility of protecting the country against terrorism and these issues need to be debated and understood in that context,” he added. He denied that British intelligence services had been compromised by their close relationship with counterparts in the US. “Our American allies know that we are our own service, that we are here to work for the British interests and the United Kingdom. We’re an independent service working to our own laws – nobody else’s – and to our own values.”
He insisted there has been “no torture and there is no complicity with torture”.

‘Sir’ John Scarlett- “Hello I’m a famous liar that helped get over a million people killed in Iraq, but hey why not throw sanity to the wind and believe what I’m saying now, Terrorism whooooaaaa scary innit, you need us otherwise Al Qaeda will rape your childrens’ eyes out with anthrax jihad dildos. So like Kim boy I’m saying we don’t torture, then adding this strange- but the World’s a dangerous place proviso which means -Yes of course we collude in torture and do anything the US says. Now have I told you what this nice Mossad chap said to me about Iran, they have a nuclear Mecha-Godzilla poised to attack Finchley!”

4 Responses to “Translating The Government On Torture”

  1. GDAEman Says:

    Thanks for making me chuckle… If ya don’t laugh, you’ll cry.

    I hope the British people pressure their government to expose the facts, ‘cuz the US people don’t seem to have much interest.

    Keep it coming!

    • RickB Says:

      You’re too kind, sad to say the interest is pretty low here as well, both countries are covering for each other, so if the US is harder nut to crack maybe a way in is opening up the UK end of the crimes. Although so far what has happened is both govts reinforce each others wall of denial.

  2. Annie Besant Says:

    Listened to him on the radio. He mentioned ‘frightening and cajoling’ as an example of torture that may be employed in certain countries but no mention of mutilating a person’s genitals, crucifying, anal rape etc etc. I had to LOL. He’s obviously such a gentle, innocent person….

    • RickB Says:

      Hey Annie, how very British ‘frightening and cajoling’ , he probably classes the invasion of Iraq as a ‘stern talking to’ for Saddam. But it is very noticeable, the media do not confront the senior people in public with the reality of what they do, the graphic descriptions of what torture is. Not least because they have so far successfully claimed in court such information would damage the UK. It’s like a paedophile having all the testimony of his victims kept secret because otherwise the information would damage their reputation and their effectiveness in the future to pursue more activity ‘in the national interest’.


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