Honour Among Thieves

Predictably the rapists, murderers and torturers profiteering off the Iraq war turn out to be falling upon each other like animals now the spoils are not so easy to come by and hide. Would it be wrong to start taking bets on Erik Prince dying by his own hand, being whacked by his colleagues or Cheney/Bush, er I mean some shadowy third party eager to keep things quiet. Yes it would… still… profiteering off death, it’s a growing industry.

Translating The Government On Torture

Dr Kim Howells, Labour chairman of the intelligence and security committee, told Today it would examine any claims of UK complicity in torture. “I can tell you that we found no evidence that there’s been collusion between the intelligence services, any government department and governments that torture their individuals. We can’t give a guarantee, and no government on earth can give a guarantee that somebody who’s picked up and held in another country hasn’t had their… human rights abused in some way.”

‘Dr’ Kim Howells- “I can tell you we succeeded in averting our eyes from all the evidence of torture, and just as a get out clause when we can no longer suppress the evidence- Oh gosh we can’t guarantee the World doesn’t torture, so when we have detainees deliberately moved to a nation we know tortures and like totally surprisingly they get tortured that is in no way our fault just because that was the express reason we and our US masters, I mean ‘allies’ situated the detainee there. It’s called deniability, put some layer between you and the dirty wet work and ministers will never see the inside of a court room PS. Yes I am a compete twat.”

Speaking on BBC Radio 4’s programme MI6: A Century in Shadows, Sir John Scarlett defended the actions of his organisation, the Secret Intelligence Service or MI6. “Our officers are as committed to the values and the human rights values of liberal democracy as anybody else,”

“They also have the responsibility of protecting the country against terrorism and these issues need to be debated and understood in that context,” he added. He denied that British intelligence services had been compromised by their close relationship with counterparts in the US. “Our American allies know that we are our own service, that we are here to work for the British interests and the United Kingdom. We’re an independent service working to our own laws – nobody else’s – and to our own values.”
He insisted there has been “no torture and there is no complicity with torture”.

‘Sir’ John Scarlett- “Hello I’m a famous liar that helped get over a million people killed in Iraq, but hey why not throw sanity to the wind and believe what I’m saying now, Terrorism whooooaaaa scary innit, you need us otherwise Al Qaeda will rape your childrens’ eyes out with anthrax jihad dildos. So like Kim boy I’m saying we don’t torture, then adding this strange- but the World’s a dangerous place proviso which means -Yes of course we collude in torture and do anything the US says. Now have I told you what this nice Mossad chap said to me about Iran, they have a nuclear Mecha-Godzilla poised to attack Finchley!”