A Statement On My Absolute Innocence

As you may know today I have paid $15.5m to settle out of court with some people who allege I am a murdering bastard. Clearly I have given them the money because I am entirely innocent. If you have not in any way ever met me or been impacted by my actions and would like several million dollars please just let me know and I will send you the cash. Because of course paying several million dollars to people in no way means I am avoiding a court case where it will be shown I conspired with governments to have people murdered just in order to become even richer.

Thank you.

One Response to “A Statement On My Absolute Innocence”

  1. jim Says:

    Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. But enjoyable none the less!


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