Southerners Terrified By White Frozen Blanket Of Chaos

Look it’s simple, it’s pretty rare -down your way- so councils working on year by year budgets are not going to spend a penny on snow preparedness. However it does make it funnier when the London-centric media suddenly discover snow anew each time –Hey isn’t this the stuff we pay good money to ski on at exclusive resorts? What’s it doing here? Panic!!!!!!!!!

Now get a fucking grip, it’s nothing that millions of people in the rest of the country don’t deal with every friggin’ year, yet shockingly does not make the national based-in-London-news. So chillax, enjoy it, play in the snow. But of course wrap up warm you delicate flowers, in this weather you’ll be wanting at least a winter weight T-shirt on and waterproof resistant footwear, because, amazing fact- snow is actually frozen water (I know what some of you were thinking and no, it isn’t that, you can’t hoover it all up your nose. It’s a little bit like the ice cubes you have in drinks, no really. You’re looking for the lemons now aren’t you?) and when it gets on your shoes it gets warmer, melts and makes them wet, then your socks and it gets all soggy and cold and no fun. Also no wrapping nasty things in snowballs (stones, poo, The Evening Standard) fight fair amongst friends. But if you do see Boris Johnson (or any financier, Royalty, Politician, etc) shuffling home, plaster the mofo like Raymond Briggs drew him.

Posted in Media. Tags: , . 9 Comments »

9 Responses to “Southerners Terrified By White Frozen Blanket Of Chaos”

  1. harpymarx Says:

    Hark! What doth float from yonder sky? Ah, tis not the work of the devil but frozen water dropping from the sky… Ye Gods… who will save us poor pitiful frightened southerners from this terrible experience…. ? Some man called…Boris…oh bless for we are now saved from this plague of frozen water….Saved I say, Saved!!

    As one of those soft southerners (well, adopted southerner) what is utterly hilarious is listening to those spokespeople from business and commerce orgs. moaning about lack of productivity and losing £1.5bn cos of it.

    Capitalism nil, Workers 1

    Round my way, loads of bunked off workers snowboarding and sledging down the hill, chucking snow balls and be generally……..happy! No Monday morning blues called WORK … One couple decided to dance in the road (no cars… or buses….or erm, anything) and exclaimed they were ‘going back to bed as there were no trains”.

    Way hey… no work (woohoo) so I spent my morning taking pix of snowboarding people and trying not to fall on my arse…staggering around like something out of Scott of the Antarctic..

    ….Oh, just popping out for some teabags might be sometime….

  2. Andrew Says:

    I love this quote:

    [Boris Johnson] urged the city’s inhabitants and workers to “pull together and pool resources to get London through this difficult situation”.

    Unbe-fucking-lievable

  3. RickB Says:

    Harpy- It’s a Winter Wonderland! Take care on the ice.

    Andrew- Will the Queen come round the cockernee slums with hot cococa and old Blitz newsreels shown on Sky?

    I do apologise to my southern chums, but the media do this every bleedin’ time!

  4. ralfast Says:

    I think the stiff upper lip just cracked!

    A foot of snow…no, an inch maybe?

    I’ve lived throw feet, yes the proverbial “walking through three feet of snow to school” bit and I come from a freaking Caribbean island!

    Pussies!

  5. RickB Says:

    3 feet and frankly the army would be sent in and the Queen would be called in to calm the nation, (ironically there are tons of SUV’s in wealthy parts where they are used for nothing except taking kids to school and causing traffic jams, maybe the owners will slowly realise- hey wait, I’ve got big tyres, high clearance and 4WD, maybe I could drive in this?). So what’s the weather like down you way today? Too hot, hot enough, or just pleasantly warm?

  6. ralfast Says:

    Pleasantly warm and sunny. Low 80s (F) which is cool for us. Bet the same people complaining about the snow would melt under this sun. How did they manage to conquer the world anyway?

  7. RickB Says:

    Low 80’s (F), that noise you hear is a mass sighing! Of course they would, it is a very British thing to moan about the weather. That and being dumb enough to tolerate Royalty.

    I like Kurt Vonnegut’s description, which goes roughly- ‘Heavily armed gangs roaming around the world in ships looking for lightly defended pieces of real estate’

  8. ralfast Says:

    Iraq in one sentence or less!

    Kurt was a genius!


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