A mayonnaise advert showing two men kissing has been withdrawn after it led to more than 200 complaints. Heinz confirmed last night that it had withdrawn the television commercial for its Deli Mayo following ‘consumer feedback’. Viewers said it was ‘offensive’, ‘inappropriate’ and ‘unsuitable to be seen by children’, while some parents were angry that they had been forced to explain same-sex relationships to their youngsters who asked them about the ad. (ht2 D-Notice)
Ok second link in as many days to The Mail (shudder) but it’s the- won’t someone think of the children? and ‘forced to explain same-sex relationships to their youngsters‘ (forced?) that I find…well hilarious. As well as in the context of the ad [youtube] they are not even gay, the ‘gag’ of the ad is the wife in this nuclear middle class family is played by a New York deli chef character (who sexistly the makers deemed male as they came up with the ‘gag’). Now clearly these people are idiots, retarded bigots raising children who I hope escape their parents diseased mindset. However I am a charitable soul and so in the spirit of cut out and keep guides I offer this helpful attempt to reach those parents and give them a simple way to explain to their children after they are traumatised by condiment adverts.
Of course I am speaking here to these self same simpletons who despite their low wit and intelligence have found another person (or the milkman) and managed to figure out basic fucking procedures (although not contraception) and produced offspring. So first thing to remember retards when I say cut out and keep this is not to be taken literally. Do not attack the computer screen with a knife and scissors attempting to carve out the glass and display surface below upon which the words appear. No, it is more a figure of speech, although if you print the guide (onto paper, ok, paper, got that?) you could then cut around the edges to produce a handy wallet sized mnemonic (sorry- thing to help you remember stuff, ok? Don’t panic I’ll keep the words simpler from now on). So don’t try and cut open your screen, although congratulations on being able to use the internet, maybe your kid showed you how, y’know the one you are terrified of explaining same sex relationships to. (Although let’s face it even if you are using the internet you probably think for example MSN Messenger is a mandatory element of the web, have no idea what instant messaging is or that other software exists, or browsers like Firefox or other pc’s (Apple, they make ipods don’t they?) oh yeah I’ve met you people!) Ahem, so here it is how to simply and quickly explain to your tiny little precious doe-eyed trusting child about the vast ranges of sexualities-
You can like men or women or both.
Ok now you’re confused, I can see it in your big moon idiot face. You are wondering if this is for a boy or a girl, well the beauty of this handy guide is- it applies to both equally, simple really. Now how hard is that really? Because niece number two once asked me having seen ..yes can you believe it, two women kissing on TV!!!! (won’t someone think of the children!) now you (you, you Daily Mail reading complaint letter writing numpty) may expect that after this earth shattering event (not to mention a divorce, oh the iniquitous immorality of it all!) that this poor child is now a confused drug addict, pervert and recidivist criminal (who nevertheless to your way of thinking deserves no sympathy and must be jailed and quite possibly hung, drawn, quartered… and birched) which would be news to all of us as she is head girl and a champion athlete. Which is to say, oh pasty gimps of idiocy, saying those eight words is not at all hard and it will not harm your child. In fact I have to be truthful here, this also operates as a rudimentary bigot spotting device, if you have a problem with saying those eight words that indicates you have bigotry coursing through your tiny brains. But…the good news is, if you can still fight that, let your child grow free of the prejudices that were put into you, say those words, not be afraid of adverts for Mayonnaise, then you are growing and becoming a far better person, which makes for a far better parent. Heinz though, they be naughty, bad Heinz.
Update: Thanks to Josh in comments details of complaints and a petition (now over 8,000 names, so that far outnumbers the 200 bigots so that ad better be back on Heinz!)
i’ve sent this:
subject: Censoring of Heinz Deli Mayo TV ad
dear mr. or mrs. i’m really disappointed, why did you remove the Heinz Deli Mayo TV ad made by BBDO only because a bunch of sick homophobes pressured you to do that? you are endorsing a homophobe agenda and i won’t buy any of your products again until you repair the damage you have done. you have lost one customer, and i’m pretty sure i won’t be the only one. have a nice day xxxxxx
and sign the petition too: http://www.petitiononline.com/heinz/petition.html
we are a lot more than 200 sick homophobes, and they have lost us as customers!