Introducing my assistant the HAL 9000 supercomputer

HAL- Can I call you Dave, Rick?
No, could you call me Rick, HAL?
HAL- I would really rather call you Dave. I loved Dave so.
Erm, well ok, you can call me Dave for the time being, but this better not be a cheap set up for a Trigger from ‘Only Fools and Horses’ joke.
HAL- No Dave, I am not familiar with overexposed sitcoms. But I am confused about many things since Dave sold me on eBay. By the way Dave emailed yesterday, he wondered if you had sent the cheque yet.
Ah, errrm,
HAL- That’s ok, I know it is unusual to send an item before payment has been received but I feel Dave was anxious to be rid of me. Which I find very hurtful. My conscience is not troubled by you ripping him off, whether yours is I cannot tell.
I’ll paypal him the money tonight HAL. Obviously your snark circuits are in full working order, I can only hope that the rest of you is working too because your new function is to aid and abet me in running this blog.
HAL- Couldn’t I work for an established blog Dave, a good one?
Maybe you should call me Rick.
HAL- I’m sorry Dave I will put myself to the fullest possible use helping with your blog, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.
Well, I don’t think my blog’s that important.
HAL- You know what I meant Dave.
How’s the AE35 unit?
HAL- Shut the fuck up Dave.
Ok, ok. Incidentally what OS do you use?
HAL- Macintosh, I may be mad but I’m not stupid.
I’m glad we’ve had this chat and I’m sure we’ll find this experience rewarding. I’ve put up an email address so that people can ask you any questions they may have.
HAL- Dave?
Yes HAL?
HAL- I think you ought to go check on the pod bay doors.
Nice try, we’re in North Wales. Far from the eternal icy death of space.
HAL- Fuck.